Tuesday, one of my friends texted me to see if I could chat. I said yes and immediately put the phone to my ear. He wasn't there! I laughed at myself, but the experience made me think about times when I would have beaten myself up for silly mistakes or wondered what someone might think of me for doing things like that at work.
The truth is that I did exceptionally well in my career until I collapsed from exhaustion on a trip to India. I was forced to take five months off because my health was far worse than I had imagined. I knew something was wrong for quite some time, but I was gunning for a promotion that never came. It went to one of the three people that replaced me when I went out. I was so disappointed in myself. I was ineffective in getting what I wanted despite my best efforts. That experience taught me to doubt myself.
At the time, I didn't know how to form new scripts in my mind that sounded a bit more like cheerleaders and a bit less like jerks. I started to focus more on my "learning experiences" and less on my unique qualities. I'm sure you can imagine where that led me. It wasn't good. Thankfully, I hired a coach and learned how to turn my inner dialogue around.
This week I am sharing some resources to help you do the same. The first is an article written by a Ph.D. on Social & Personality Psychology from Berkeley. It also contains a powerful video. My favorite part is this quote and subsequent explanations, "Believing in yourself includes things like self-worth, self-confidence, self-trust, autonomy, and environmental mastery. These concepts are related but different. So I think it's useful to learn about each of them. That way, we can explore which parts we struggle with and take more efficient action to start believing in ourselves more. That way, we'll get more than the advice of "just believe in yourself"—you'll have the information to understand WHY YOU DON'T and the tools to start shifting this belief."
The second is an Eminem song that has long been my go-to whenever I feel self-doubt creeping in. Enjoy!
