I had no idea what the person who said this to me meant a few years ago. I thought, "Seriously? I am super successful; I do XYZ and ABC!" and "Do you know how much I MAKE?" It took me years to realize she was right. To gauge my worth, I relied on external achievements. If my work performance was "high," then I was okay.
This led me to use anxiety about my performance to fuel my activities. I brought urgency to every task. I got things done! I worked hard, worked out, traveled for my job, and ensured I was at every meaningful event in my son's life. As a high-potential woman, I was promoted, praised, and enrolled in every opportunity. Then something happened. The anxiety ran out!
I got tired, really tired. I had trouble feeling anxious and was wiped out so I beat myself up thinking that would help. But even that didn't work. I wasn't motivated. I questioned what I was doing wrong and then started questioning what I was doing with my whole life. Where was my friend anxiety pushing me along? I no longer cared what others thought about my performance. I realized that relying on others' views of my success is dangerous because they change.
I did! I had low self-esteem! I had to learn to get clear on my values, align my activities with those, and view my success as a factor in how aligned I FEEL on any given day. I learned about myself and to like me, just as I am. I took years to create, and that's pretty great! :-) I am okay no matter what others think. And, of course, you are too!
Today, I am going to ask you a few questions. How does it feel when you look in the mirror? Do you know who you are? Do you like yourself? Do you feel good most of the time? If so, GREAT! If not, try this questionnaire to inspire some self-compassion and perhaps some thought about self-esteem!
Then, if you need a little inspiration on self-compassion, check out this post on Ease and High Vibes:
